Like so many people, the tragic deaths of Fashion Designer, Kate Spade and Famous Chef, Anthony Bourdain have affected me in a way I cannot even put into words. And if I, someone who does not know them personally and is not related to them in any way, feel this way, I can’t even imagine what’s going through their family and friends’ minds right now.
It is extremely sad to see people who seem so “happy” and “successful” on the outside reach a point where they literally believe that the only thing that will free them from their suffering is to take their own lives. Many of us thought Anthony Bourdain had the coolest job in the world! Many women wanted to be Kate Spade! But just like the title of Anthony Bourdain’s show “Parts Unknown”, there were many parts of their lives that were unknown to us the outsiders. Even though Anthony Bourdain opened up about his struggles with depression , I guess I just never knew how bad depression could be.
How hard can life really get? How can someone take their own life? These are certainly questions that many people out there are asking in light of the two tragedies. However, we will never get answers to these questions; all we can do, is ask ourselves what we can do to help. People are really hurting and sometimes feel like they cannot open up to others about their issues.
Depression is real. Mental Illness is real. Even if you don’t know someone who suffers from it, chances are someone you know does know someone who suffers from it. My Godmother committed suicide and left me a letter. My parents let me read the letter when I was maybe 9 (I can’t exactly remember) because I had not seen her for a while and was asking about her. Even after reading the letter, I had no idea she committed suicide. My parents had told me she had traveled…As a kid, when someone I was really close to passed, that’s what my parents would tell me. Many years later, I still remember the day I read this letter and most importantly I still wonder how bad it could have been for her to decide to take her own life.
Since then, I’ve heard many cases of suicide – some of the people I knew (our next door neighbor back home, friends’ siblings, my parents’ friends); other I did not know. But I am extremely affected every time I hear someone took their own life. This tells me the person did not have even a little bit of hope to cling on to.
Suicide rates increased by 25% across the United States since 1999, according to a research published by the US Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC). 25 States recorded increases of more than 30% since late 1990s.
Every time I hear that someone took their own life, I wonder what I could have done if I personally knew that person or what I could do so this does not happen to someone I know. Here are a few simple yet powerful things that can be done in my opinion:
- Pay attention
We are constantly around people we know nothing about. Their face/look does not always tell what’s going on in their lives. This can be someone on the bus/train or a colleague at work. Trust your gut…if you feel like someone is going through tough times, talk to them. You don’t need to ask them what’s going on. Just talk to them so that your behavior implies that you are there if they need help!
- Pick up the phone and call instead of texting
These days, not only do we not check on each other often, but also when we do, we tend to text and not call. We just assume that someone’s Facebook or Instagram profile is providing us with all the details on their lives. However, we should all know by now that what we see on social media is most often not the true representation of the person’s life. Pick up the phone and call this friend or family member you haven’t talked to in a while. Check on them when you can; make sure you keep in touch. Life can get really hard and lonely, and you never know what’s going on in people’s lives.
- Don’t let Social Media define you
Don’t let what you see on social media impress you and end up filling you with envy! As mentioned above, the majority of it is not reality. People have taken pictures at the same spot but with different outfits and pretended to have been traveling the world; people put “fake” job titles to make the world think that they are “successful” or to fit in that box called “success” according to the world.
If you are not careful, you can easily get caught in the vicious circle of thinking that you need to catch up with all your friends who have been posting things on social media for “likes”. Just because you did not get 100 likes on your new picture does not mean you are not worth it. Just because you do not have 10,000 followers on Instagram does not mean that the person who has 50,000 followers is better than you.
Also, be careful with what you allow on your timeline/newsfeed. You don’t have to follow every single page or every single person. If the posts that a page or person shares tend to put you down instead of uplifting you, just unfollow. You do not need it. And this applies to news as well. Seeing too much of all the craziness that’s going on in this world affects us way more than we think. That’s why some people choose to not watch the news all together. I have personally seen myself feeling depressed after watching some shocking things in the news. So we have to be careful with what we allow ourselves to hear and see.
- Seek help if someone you know took their life or just for your own mental health
There is absolutely nothing wrong with speaking with a mental health professional. In fact, you’d be surprised with how much you have to say when you meet with one. Most of us had some experiences that left scars we might not even be aware of. I’ve personally seen a psychologist earlier in my career because I was going through a time of confusion in my personal and professional life. And this is one of the best decisions I have made in my life. I was surprised by everything I had to say and how some events of my life which I thought were just minor had affected me – to the point of shaping parts of who I am today.
But most importantly, I felt good knowing that I was talking to someone I could trust to keep my information to themselves – someone who was not going to judge me or in turn share what I told them with everyone else. Nobody should be ashamed about talking to a mental health professional. It is essential. You may ask, what about faith and prayer? As a Christian myself, prayer is part of my every day life. And my faith is what gives me hope in this life; hope that things will get better. However, I will definitely talk to a mental health professional if I feel the need to do so. So please seek help if you need to.
- Know that you are not alone
No matter what you are going through, chances are someone went through the same thing or worse; chances are someone knows someone who went through the same thing. There is nothing more powerful than talking to someone who overcame a situation you are going through. It is encouraging and will give you the strength you need to keep going.
Depression is real, but suicide is a permanent fix to a temporary problem. You are not alone. If you feel depressed, seek the help of a healthcare professional. If you are contemplating suicide, let someone know; call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255.
This life is worth living.
With Love,
Huguette