When I became a mom in 2015, I had an idea of what to expect as a result of this life-changing event! Sleepless nights, diaper changes, unending loads of laundry, multiple trips to the lactation room …I knew these and then some would be part of my new life! But I did not know that becoming a mom would completely change my mindset; that it would change the way I see and live my life! I have learned so much since giving birth to my adorable son. In this post I wanted to share some of what I’ve learned.
One of my coworkers at the time offered me a book called What To Expect When You are Expecting. It is a great book for pregnancy and early stages of baby’s life. However, I probably just read a few pages and concluded that I would figure this thing out by myself. :-). Some of us learn better with experience! But check out the book!
So, what has motherhood taught me?
1. First, I learned that having no clue of what you are doing at times is completely fine! When my son was born, I looked at this adorable bundle of joy and could not believe that God had used me to bring him into this world! I had heard about the baby blues, but did not know what it was until I found myself crying for no reason at the hospital. I just felt overwhelmed and unsure about what to do next. To make things worse, my husband was getting ready to move to another State 5 days after our son was born for Business School.
When we brought the baby home a few days later, reality settled in: I was now in charge of this precious human being! No doctors, no nurses. My mom was there to help for the first few weeks but then she had to leave! So hubby left for Business School, then mom left. And here I was, by myself with a newborn. I quickly realized I had to start figuring things out. It was one day at a time, but I figured it out. So having no clue sometimes is just part of life; and it is OK.
2. I also learned that I was way more capable than I thought. Before I go even further into this second point, I wanted to just pause and pay my respect to all the single mothers/single fathers out there! You rock! I don’t know how you do it, and you have earned all my respect!
While on maternity leave, I developed a certain routine with my son (even though we had no bedtime because none of us worked :-)). We pretty much just stayed home the first few months after he was born. I tried going to the grocery store with him a few times; however, I ended up returning home without getting through my shopping list. I think I was more stressed out than he was!
When I returned to work, things got a little bit more complicated. First, I had to become comfortable with the fact that someone else was going to take care of my son while I worked. It was really hard at first, but I had an amazing, supportive and very understanding nanny. Within a few days, she showed me I could trust her to take good care of my son while I worked.
Our new routine was very exhausting though: I would get ready in the morning, get him ready, make sure to pack enough milk for him to avoid lunch time trips to the nanny’s to feed him, drop him off, go to work, manage to get off of work by 5:30 PM whenever possible so we could get home at a decent time; then it was dinner, bath time and bedtime, and waking up quite a few times throughout the night…and start all over again the next morning. I did this for a full year before relocating to be with my husband. When I think back at that time, I wonder how I was able to do it. And this just goes to show we tend to choose not to do things because we have options. When you only have one option, you figure out how to make it work.
3. Becoming a mother also showed me the importance of self-care. As mothers, we tend to take care of others and forget ourselves. However, I quickly realized that exhaustion was affecting my mood and making me very impatient. Any time I was able to get a good night of sleep or just go for a walk by myself, I felt better (And I was more pleasant to be around :-)). So whenever my husband came to visit, I would sleep in and do things by myself. This applies to all aspects of our lives too. If you make sure to always put yourself first (not in a selfish way), you will realize that you become a better person. You can better take care of others too.
4. Another thing that becoming a mother taught me is that I should not feel bad if I don’t do everything I plan to do for a specific day. This one is still a struggle for the perfectionist that I am. I cannot tell you how many times I felt bad because I was not able to fold and put my laundry away the same day I washed it. This still happens to me (I really need help!). As a result I am always staying up late doing something and always exhausted! When I make up my mind to do something on a specific day, I have to do it that day.
Yes, perfectionism is extremely exhausting! But I am taking steps to stop being so harsh with myself. Life itself is so unpredictable, but it is even more so with a kid (or a few of them) in it. So there will be days where you complete just a few things on your to-do-list, or nothing at all, and that’s OK.
5. Finally, becoming a mother made me quickly realize that I would need to reassess my priorities in life and set some boundaries. I have always been career-driven! And as a single woman or even a married woman without any kid, I did not realize that my whole life was about working! I want to be successful professionally, but the other areas of my life are also important, if not more important than professional success. I want to be successful as a wife, a mother, a daughter, a friend…My definition of success has since changed (for the better). And my priorities have changed too; family is definitely more important to me than my career. If I fail as a wife or mother and succeed professionally, I would have failed altogether. I have also learned to set some boundaries by learning to say NO and making myself unavailable when necessary.
What about you? What has motherhood taught you if you are already a mother (biological, adoptive…)?
Happy Mother’s Day to all of the mothers out there! You are truly amazing and you are doing a great job!
With Love,
Huguette